I get it. You made mistakes. Big ones. Mistakes that cost you relationships, opportunities; ones that not only hurt yourself, but others as well. Self hatred is a hell of a drug, and like all addictions difficult to let go of. However, maybe you should consider that the best thing to do is to forgive yourself.
Not to just give yourself a break, to continue self destructive behavior, but because holding this guilt, both consciously and subconsciously is exactly what draws you again and again to retrench your belief in your own unworthiness. Perhaps it is the thing that you are doing that is hurting the people you love the most. Forgiveness is the antidote to hatred.
This is not to say you do not own your own mistakes. You do, and the only way to change is to learn from them. Bias even against yourself is not a good idea. If you do not fully own your own mistakes you will harbor negative thoughts, and this poison will spill out onto all those around you. Self righteousness is not illumination. You were not born to judge, but to let go.
The mistakes you made deserve your best response. To learn, to be the best you can be and a light that leads to compassion and understanding. You have been holding a grudge against yourself, and surrendering it will help us all.