We Are Meant For the Edge

I am the world’s largest chicken. Or at least one of the largest chickens. I do not like roller coasters, or rides that simulate oncoming death. I am not a thrill seeker. I like things calm and boring. I want to go on vacation to beautiful places with calm seas and nice people.

However, I have to admit,even as I have been a cowardly lion, I have certainly been a brave one. I am one of those people that if things go wrong, you will be glad I am there. I am not just imagining this, but through a long history of being in extreme situations I know this to be true.

I know it from growing up in dangerous situations, right from the beginning needing to make decisions that could have life and death repercussions. Occasionally I had to deescalate someone as though my life depend on it, because it did, 

Sometimes I would do amazing physical feats, because they were absolutely necessary. My greatest athletic accomplishments were not on any field, but on the street, and in the hospital. I worked for almost 20 years in a locked mental health unit, along with over 10 years working in various dangerous areas . 

I began to get a great sense of self esteem in these situations. I felt like Michael Jordan in those places, brave (though no one  knew I was afraid) and certain I was willing to give my life to save someone else. It was an edge, and I enjoyed it. 

We as human kind are fascinated by the edge, Some live for it. Thrill seekers, mountain climbers, explorers and even sexual impulsiveness demonstrate it. All the edge, all playing at the edge of danger. Some are not playing at all. Firemen, soldiers, mental health workers, all doing important work. It makes life simpler when we know that some else’s life is at stake if we do not act.

There is another edge, the contemplation of our own demise. It stimulates fear and excitement at the same time. It works best when there is a common enemy to make it us vs them. It creates simplicity. Those that are in charge prefer it. We are more docile when there is a  “them.”

However, the edge is always personal, even when we are all feeling it. It is about our own fear of death, and our fear of being ostracized. It is time to make peace with our individual edge. We can not wait for the world to join us. You. Me. To the edge of looking at the truth of how we need to change. This is the edge that even those who can face dearth can not seem to face. How do I personally need to change?