To be Present Is To Be Vulnerable

Growing up in Chicago in the 60’s 70’s and 80’s I saw a world of predator and prey. You did not want to be prey, in all of the myriad ways to be preyed upon. Afraid day and night, not knowing if someone would burst around the corner or into the room I was sleeping in I found myself creating a way of living in which I would attempt to imagine any bad thing that might happen, this included any bad thing I might be accused of doing. I developed a sense of guilt so profound that I didn’t have to have done a thing to feel guilty about it. 

It may seem surprising, but this way of looking at the world did not provide solace. In fact quite the opposite. I developed debilitating panic attacks, an explosive temper and the conviction of self righteousness. I looked in the mirror of my world and became a reflection of what I was seeing. 

There is no end to  division. You can divide infinitely, tearing a piece of paper in half forever, or finding another issue to be angry about. You may even be right, the wrong you perceive may be wrong indeed. However you can be right and wrong at the same time. A person may have committed a crime, and you are still wrong in a lynch mob. 

These states from anxiety to anger are designed to keep us safe, but they are also creative. They create what they abhor. These are all states that can lead us away from being present out of the fear of recognizing our vulnerability. But no trip is safe driving with eyes squeezed shut. To make things better you have to be honest about the way things are. Being vulnerable also means to recognize that you are wrong about some element where you are right. To make things better you must be present. You must accept and express your vulnerability. That is true courage.