If You Change Your Relationship To Your Emotions You Change Your Relationship To Everything

Imagine you are sitting on a couch at a party having a heated discussion about the world. You are with an old friend, and gradually you both grow more angry, shocked by the views of the other. You are again shocked to hear your friend tell you that he does not want to speak to you again, and shocked to hear yourself say he will not be missed.

Exactly at this moment a cigarette that has been smoldering for hours suddenly ignites, and the couch you are sitting on suddenly bursts into flames. I would suggest that no matter how upset you are it is important to realize that the argument is no longer the first priority. It is important to deal with the fire before going further in the discussion. 

Of course the real fire is the surge of raging emotion. Like fire it takes on a life of its own, and like fire it jumps from structure to structure, from person to person. Like moths to an apparently irresistible flame we are drawn into it, and it burns in our breast.

No matter how right we are in our anger if we are to be mesmerized in its light we are no longer ourselves. You cannot make a fictional person happy, and you can not squelch the heat of out of control anger. Once justified human beings can become monstrous, a corrupt version of their best self.

Create a plan for grounding yourself when an unexpected outrage occurs. Slow your breathing and drop your awareness into your lower abdomen. Notice colors and begin to say the phrase “I Am,” Listen carefully and you will find solutions unexpected. This will support you in creating space between you and what you feel. If you change your relationship to fear and anger you can accomplish anything.